Tuesday, October 11, 2011

More Resume Humor

"Note: Please don't look at my last 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never
quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40." "Marital Status: Often." "Children: Various."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility makes me nervous." "They
insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't
work under those conditions."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an
assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least
partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be
configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied
facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I look forward to hearing back from you shorty."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Allergic to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

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