Southern Humor

A senior citizen in Louisiana was overheard saying ... "When the end of
the world comes, I hope to be in Louisiana .."

When asked why, he replied, "I'd rather be in Louisiana 'cause everythang
happens in Louisiana 20 years later than in the rest of the world."

Southern Humor

A young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his
buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking
lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did y'all see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Redneck Medical Dictionary

Artery.............................. The study of paintings
Bacteria......................... Back door to the cafeteria
Barium............................ What doctors do when patients die
Benign........................... What you be, after you be eight
Caesarean Section......... A neighborhood in Rome
Cat scan........................ Searching for Kitty
Cauterize........................ Made eye contact with her
Colic................................ A sheep dog
Coma.............................. A punctuation mark
Dilate.............................. To live long
Enema........................... Not a friend
Fester............................. Quicker than someone else
Fibula............................. A small lie
Impotent........................ Distinguished, well known
Labour Pain................... Getting hurt at work
Medical Staff................. A Doctor's cane
Morbid............................ A higher offer
Nitrates......................... Cheaper than day rates
Node.............................. I knew it
Outpatient..................... A person who has fainted
Pelvis............................ Second cousin to Elvis
Post Operative............... A letter carrier
Recovery Room............. Place to do upholstery
Secretion...................... Hiding something
Seizure.......................... Roman emperor
Tablet............................ A small table
Terminal Illness............. Getting sick at the airport
Tumor........................... One plus one more
Urine............................. Opposite of you're out

Denise Humor

Bubba's sister is pregnant and is in a bad car accident, which caused her to fall into a deep coma.

After nearly six months, she awakens and sees that she is no longer pregnant.

Frantically, she asks the doctor about her baby.

The doctor replies, " Ma'am, you had twins, a boy and a girl. The babies are fine. Your brother came in and named them."

The woman thinks to herself, "Oh, no! Not Bubba. He's an idiot!"

Expecting the worst, she asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?"

"Denise," the doctor answers.

The new mother thinks, "Wow! That's a beautiful name. Maybe I was wrong about my brother. I really like the name Denise.

"What's the boy's name?"

The doctor replies, "Denephew."

Mississippi Humor

A young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Redneck Valentine's Day Poem

A Redneck Valentine

Kudzu is green, my dog’s name is Blue
And I’m so lucky to have a sweet thang like you.
Yore hair is like cornsilk a-flapping in the breeze.
Softer than Blue’s And without all them fleas.
You move like the bass, Which excite me in May.
You ain’t got no scales But I luv you anyway.
You’re as graceful as okry Jist a-dancin’ in the pan.
Yo’re as fragrant as SunDrop Right out of the can.
You have all yore teeth, For which I am proud;
I hold my head high When we’re in a crowd.
On special occasions, When you shave yore armpits,
Well, I’m in hawg heaven, I’m plumb outta my wits.
Still them fellers at work They all want to know,
What I did to deserve Such a purty, young doe.
Like a good roll of duct tape Yo’re there fer yore man,
To patch up life’s troubles And stick ‘em in the can.
Yo’re as strong as a four-wheeler Racin’ through the mud,
Yet fragile as that sanger Named Naomi Judd.
Yo’re as cute as a junebug A-buzzin’ overhead.
You ain’t mean like no fire ant Upon which I oft’ tread.
Cut from the best pattern Like a flannel shirt of plaid,
You sparked up my life Like a Rattletrap shad.
When you hold me real tight Like a padded gunrack,
My life is complete; Ain’t nuttin’ I lack.
Yore complexion, it’s perfection, Like the best vinyl sidin’.
Despite all the years, Yore age, it keeps hidin’.
And when you get old Like a ‘57 Chevy,
Won’t put you on blocks And let grass grow up heavy.
Me ‘n’ you’s like a Moon Pie With a RC cold drank,
We go together Like a skunk goes with stank.
Some men, they buy chocolate For Valentine’s Day;
They git it at Wal-Mart, It’s romantic that way.
Some men git roses On that special day
From the cooler at Kroger. “That’s impressive,” I say.
Some men buy fine diamonds From a flea market booth.
“Diamonds are forever,” They explain, suave and couth.
But for this man, honey, These will not do.
For you are too special, You sweet thang you.
I got you a gift, Without taste nor odor,
Better than diamonds it’s a new trollin’ motor.