More Resume Humor

"Note: Please don't look at my last 14 jobs as 'job-hopping.' I have never
quit a job."

"Number of dependents: 40." "Marital Status: Often." "Children: Various."

"Here are my qualifications for you to overlook."

REASONS FOR LEAVING THE LAST JOB: "Responsibility makes me nervous." "They
insisted that all employees get to work by 8:45 every morning. Couldn't
work under those conditions."

JOB RESPONSIBILITIES: "While I am open to the initial nature of an
assignment, I am decidedly disposed that it be so oriented as to at least
partially incorporate the experience enjoyed heretofore and that it be
configured so as to ultimately lead to the application of more rarefied
facets of financial management as the major sphere of responsibility."

"I was proud to win the Gregg Typting Award."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. Since I have no training in
meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate -- especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I look forward to hearing back from you shorty."

PHYSICAL DISABILITIES: "Allergic to house cats and Mongolian sheep."

Resume Humor

RESUMANIA

"Resumania" is a term to describe the unintentional bloopers that often
appear on job candidates' resumes, job applications and cover letters. Here
are some examples:

"I perform my job with effortless efficiency, effectiveness, efficacy, and
expertise."
(And an eye on the "e" section of the dictionary, evidently)

"Seek challenges that test my mind and body, since the two are usually
inseparable."
(Glad to hear it)

"I am very detail-oreinted."
(With the possible exception of spelling)

"I can play well with others."
(We'll be sure to tell your mommy)

"Married, eight children. Prefer frequent travel."
(A new twist on work-family balance)

"Objection: To utilize my skills in sales."
(Have you considered law school?)

"My salary requirement is $34 per year."
(They say money isn't everything)

"Served as assistant sore manager."
(Ouch)

"I vow to fulfill the goals of the company as long as I live."
(And they say loyalty is hard to come by)

"Reason for leaving last job: Pushed aside so the vice president's
girlfriend could steal my job."
(We're glad you're not bitter)