Tuesday, July 28, 2009

College Humor

A woman was bragging about her son, a college student: "He's so brilliant! Every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary."
"You're lucky," her friend said. "Every time we get a letter from ours, we have to go to the bank."

Marriage Counseling Humor

A husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage.

The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade, listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on.

Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman, and kisses her passionately.

The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?"

The husband says, "I can bring her in on Monday and Wednesday, but on Fridays I go fishing."

Monday, July 20, 2009

All I Need to Know I Learned on a Cattle Ranch

1. Never slap a man who's chewing tobacco.

2. Never kick a cow chip on a hot day.

3. There are 2 theories to arguing with a woman...neither works.

4. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

5. Always drink upstream from the herd.

6. If you find yourself in a hole, stop digging.

7. The quickest way to double your money is to fold it and put it back in
your pocket.

8. There are three kinds of men:
- The ones who learn by reading.
- The few who learn by observation.
- The rest of them have to touch the electric fence to see if it's really on.

9. Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of that comes from bad

10. If you're riding ahead of the herd, take a look back every now and then
to make sure it's still there.

Monday, July 13, 2009

Boss Humor

A manager was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called. She wants you to bring her sign back."

Friday, July 3, 2009

Licorice Humor

Three boys walked into a candy store. The store owner asked the first boy what he wanted. He answered, "I would like 25 cents worth of licorice."

The licorice was on the top shelf so the owner had to go to the back of the store to get a ladder, which didn't make him happy at all. He got the licorice and before he served the next boy he put the ladder up.

Then he came back and asked the next boy what he wanted. He answered, "I would like 25 cents worth of licorice."

The owner was really upset now not thinking to ask the next boy if he wanted licorice or not. So after he had gotten the ladder and the licorice and before he put the ladder away he asked the third boy if he would also like 25 cents worth of licorice. "No, but..."

"No buts about it kid. Yes or no"


So the owner put the ladder away and then came and asked the last boy what he wanted. He said, "I'd like 20 cents worth of licorice, please."