The hacker hit the ball into the rough and landed on an anthill.
He tried three times to hit the ball and each time he missed the ball and hit the anthill. Ants went flying all over the place.
One ant turned to the other ant and said, "If we are going to survive, we had better get on the ball."
Showing posts with label Golf Humor. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Golf Humor. Show all posts
Monday, October 24, 2011
Monday, September 19, 2011
Outdoors Humor
When the doctor asked Chuck about what he did yesterday, he told him about his day: "Well, yesterday afternoon, I waded across the edge of a lake, escaped from a mountain lion in the heavy brush, marched up and down a mountain, stood in a patch of poison ivy, crawled out of quicksand, and jumped away from an aggressive rattlesnake."
Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," Chuck replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Inspired by his story, the doctor exclaimed, "Chuck, you must be an awesome outdoorsman!"
"No," Chuck replied, "I'm just a lousy golfer."
Friday, September 2, 2011
Diary Humor
WIFE'S DIARY:
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't reply, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND'S DIARY:
A four putt! Who FOUR putts? Arrrgghh
Tonight I thought my husband was acting weird. We had made plans to meet at a nice restaurant for dinner. I was shopping with my friends all day long, so I thought he was upset at the fact that I was a bit late, but he made no comment on it. Conversation wasn't flowing, so I suggested that we go somewhere quiet so we could talk. He agreed, but he didn't say much.
I asked him what was wrong. He said, "Nothing." I asked him if it was my fault that he was upset. He said he wasn't upset, that it had nothing to do with me, and not to worry about it. On the way home, I told him that I loved him. He smiled slightly, and kept driving.
I can't explain his behavior I don't know why he didn't reply, "I love you, too." When we got home, I felt as if I had lost him completely, as if he wanted nothing to do with me anymore. He just sat there quietly, and watched TV. He continued to seem distant and absent. Finally, with silence all around us, I decided to go to bed. About 15 minutes later, he came to bed. But I still felt that he was distracted, and his thoughts were somewhere else. He fell asleep; I cried. I don't know what to do. I'm almost sure that his thoughts are with someone else. My life is a disaster.
HUSBAND'S DIARY:
A four putt! Who FOUR putts? Arrrgghh
Friday, July 8, 2011
Golf Quotes
The ardent golfer would play Mount Everest if somebody would put a flag stick on top.
-- Pete Dye
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
-- Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.
-- Paul Harvey
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
-- Al Boliska
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
-- Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
-- Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
-- Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
-- Woodrow Wilson
They call it "golf" because all the other four-letter words were taken.
-- Raymond Floyd
-- Pete Dye
It took me seventeen years to get three thousand hits in baseball. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course.
-- Hank Aaron
Golf is a game in which you yell "fore," shoot six, and write down five.
-- Paul Harvey
Have you ever noticed what golf spells backwards?
-- Al Boliska
The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course.
-- Billy Graham
Reverse every natural instinct and do the opposite of what you are inclined to do, and you will probably come very close to having a perfect golf swing.
-- Ben Hogan
Go play golf. Go to the golf course. Hit the ball. Find the ball. Repeat until the ball is in the hole. Have fun. The end.
-- Chuck Hogan
If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.
-- Jack Lemmon
It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.
-- Mark Twain
Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose.
-- Woodrow Wilson
They call it "golf" because all the other four-letter words were taken.
-- Raymond Floyd
Monday, June 27, 2011
Golf Humor
Four old men went into the pro shop after playing 18 holes of golf. The pro asked, "Did you guys have a good game today?"
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today." ‘
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."
The first old guy said, "Yes, I had three riders today."
The second old guy said, "I had the most riders ever. I had five."
The third old guy said, "I had 7 riders, the same as last time."
The last old man said, "I beat my old record. I had 12 riders today." ‘
After they went into the locker room, another golfer who had heard the old guys talking about their game went to the pro and said, "I have been playing golf for a long time and thought I knew all the terminology of the game, but what's a rider?"
The pro said, "A rider is when you hit the ball far enough to get in the golf cart and ride to it."
Monday, October 25, 2010
Golf Humor
An elderly gentleman recently moved to a new town and joined the local golfing club. But when he went to the club for the first time to play he was told there wasn't anybody he could play with because they were all out on the course. Seeing the man's disappointment, the assistant pro came over and asked how good a player he was.
"I'm really not that bad," he replied. "The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
The assistant pro decided to try him out. It turned out he did play well, and coming to the par four 18th they were both even.
The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green where he landed 2-putts for a par. The older gentleman had a nice drive also, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.
Playing from the sand trap he hit a high ball which landed on the green... and rolled right into the hole! It was a birdie and he won the game.
The pro walked over to the sand trap where the older man was still standing.
"Nice shot" he said, "but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
"I do. Could you please give me a hand?"
"I'm really not that bad," he replied. "The only real problem I have is getting out of sand traps."
The assistant pro decided to try him out. It turned out he did play well, and coming to the par four 18th they were both even.
The pro had a nice drive and was able to get on the green where he landed 2-putts for a par. The older gentleman had a nice drive also, but his approach shot landed in a sand trap next to the green.
Playing from the sand trap he hit a high ball which landed on the green... and rolled right into the hole! It was a birdie and he won the game.
The pro walked over to the sand trap where the older man was still standing.
"Nice shot" he said, "but I thought you said you have a problem getting out of sand traps?"
"I do. Could you please give me a hand?"
Friday, August 27, 2010
Golf Humor
A schoolteacher was taking her first golfing lesson.
"Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the
instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a
thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to
do the same thing."
"Is the word spelled p-u-t or p-u-t-t?" she asked the
instructor.
"P-u-t-t is correct," he replied. "Put means to place a
thing where you want it. Putt means merely a vain attempt to
do the same thing."
Monday, November 23, 2009
Golf Humor
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions.
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!"
There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score.
The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Just think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Monday, June 1, 2009
Dentist Humor
A man and his wife walked into a dentist's office.The man said to the dentist, "Doctor, I'm in one hell of a big hurry! I have two buddies sitting out in my car waiting for us to go play golf. So forget about the anesthetic and just pull the tooth and be done with it.I don't have time to wait for the anesthetic to work!"
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness,this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
The dentist thought to himself, "My goodness,this sure is a very brave man, asking me to pull his tooth without using anything to kill the pain."So the dentist asked him, "Which tooth is it, sir?"
The man turned to his wife and said, "Open your mouth, Honey, and show the doctor which tooth hurts."
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