Foreman Humor

Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the
foreman fire you?"

Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around
and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started
thinking I was the foreman."

"Oops" Humor

A knight and his men returned to their castle after a long hard day of fighting.

"How are we faring?" asks the king.

"Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west."

"What?!?" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!"

"Oh," says the knight. "Well, you do now."

Marriage Humor

An efficiency expert was delivering a seminar on time management for a company's junior executives. He concluded the session with a disclaimer: "Don't attempt these task-organizing tips at home," he said.

"Why not?" he was asked.

"Well, I did a study of my wife's routine of fixing breakfast," he replied, a little embarrassed. "I noticed she made a lot of trips between the refrigerator and the stove, the table and the cabinets, each time carrying only one item. So I asked her, 'Honey, I notice that you make a lot of trips back and forth carrying one item at a time. If you would try carrying several things at once you would be much more efficient.'"

He paused.

"Did that save time?" one of the executives asked.

"Actually, yes," the expert answered, "It used to take her twenty minutes to fix my breakfast. Now I get my own in seven minutes."

Genie Humor

The sales rep, the administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a genie comes out in a puff of smoke! The genie says, "I usually only grant three wishes, so I'll give each of you just one."

"Me first! Me first!" says the admin clerk. "I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world." Poof! She's gone.

Astonished, the sales rep cries out, "Me next! Me next! I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of pineapples and the love of my life." Poof! He's gone.

"Okay, you're up," the genie says to the manager.

The manager says, "I want those two back in the office after lunch."

Employee Humor

"Do you believe in life after death?" the boss asked one of his employees.

"Yes, sir," the new employee replied.

"Well, then, that makes everything just fine," the boss went on. "After you left early yesterday to go to your grandmother's funeral, she stopped in to see you!"

Leadership Humor

A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.

"Listen," said the CEO, "this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?"

"Certainly," said the young executive.

He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.

"Excellent, excellent!" said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine. "I just need one copy."

Top 10 Worst-Dressed World Leaders (Funny)

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Boss Humor

A manager was complaining in a staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went out and got a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door.

Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said: "Your wife called. She wants you to bring her sign back."

Leadership Humor

A very successful businessman was once asked in an interview:

"To what do you attribute your amazing success?"

He replied, "Good decisions."

"Well then," the reporter countered, "to what do you attribute
your good decisions?"

"Good Judgment." the businessman answered.

"And how did you acquire your good judgment?" The reporter
pressed.

"Experience." the business man replied.

"And how did you gain this experience?" asked the reporter.

"Bad decisions."

Management Humor

Two factory workers were talking. "I know how to get some time off from work." said the man.

"How do you think you will do that?" said the other one. He proceeded to show her...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down.

The manager walked in, saw the worker hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy.

"I think you need some time off," said the manager. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. The second worker began walking out too. The manager asked her where did she think she was going?

"Home. I can't work in the dark."

Decision Humor

A king was quite concerned about a decision he had just made, so much so that went to his chief advisor to ask his opinion of it.

"Yeah, I'd say it's your worst decision yet," the plain-talking advisor replied.

Confused, the king asked, "Yet?"

To which the advisor replied, "Well, it's not so bad that I think you're incapable of making a worse decision."

Parrot Humor

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says, "the parrot on the left costs 500 dollars."

"Why does the parrot cost so much," asks the man.
The shop owner says, "well, the parrot knows how to use a computer."

The man then asks about the next parrot to be told that this one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system.

Naturally, the increasingly startled man asks about the third parrot to be told that it costs 2,000 dollars. Needless to say this begs the question, "What can it do?"

To which the shop owner replies, "to be honest, I have never seen it do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"

Politician Humor

A local priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish.

A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and to give a little speech at the dinner.

However, he was delayed so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited:

"I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had also stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his best friend's wife, and taken illicit drugs. I was appalled.

"But as the days went on I learned that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people."

Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and said: "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived. In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."

Moral: Never, never, NEVER-EVER be late.

CEO Humor

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention, so he asked one of his employees to write him a punchy, 20-minute speech.

When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious.

"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?" he demanded to know. "Half the audience walked out before I finished."

The employee was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "And I gave you the two extra copies you asked for."

CEO Humor

A large company, feeling it was time for a shakeup, hired a new CEO. The new boss was determined to rid the company of all slackers.

On a tour of the facilities, the CEO noticed a guy leaning on a wall. The room was full of workers and he wanted to let them know that he meant business.

He walked up to the guy leaning against the wall and asked, "How much money do you make a week?"

A little surprised, the young man looked at him and replied, "I make $400 a week. Why?"

The new CEO then handed the guy $1,600 in cash and screamed, "Here's four weeks pay, now GET OUT and don't come back!"

Feeling pretty good about himself, the CEO looked around the room and asked, "Does anyone want to tell me what that goof-ball did here?"

From across the room came a voice, "Pizza delivery guy."