Fish Humor

Dotty came into the office all aflutter about her husband, "You won't believe this, Steve, but Jimmy takes a fishing pole into the bathroom and tosses the hook into the tub." "You've got to be kidding," gasped Terry. "Don't you think you should take him to a psychiatrist?" "No time," replied Dotty with a shrug. "I'm too busy cleaning fish."

Sign Humor

A guy tells his psychiatrist, "I always have this weird dream at night. I'm locked in a room with a door on which there is a sign. I try to push it with all my strength, but no matter how hard I try, it won't budge."

The psychiatrist muses, "Interesting...But tell me what does the sign on the door say?"

The guy replies, "It says 'Pull.'"

13 Humor

"Doctor, I'd like you to evaluate my 13 year-old son."

"OK: He's suffering from a transient psychosis with an intermittent rage disorder, punctuated by episodic radical mood swings, but his prognosis is good for full recovery."

"How can you say all that without even meeting him?"

"I thought you said he's 13?"

Psychology Humor

Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed
over dinner, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?"

The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure
fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America
was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he
waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never
went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and
waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I
worked with this man eight years."

"What was the result?"

"It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years,
but I finally cured him. And then that letter arrived!"

Cat Humor

A woman visits a psychiatrist, complaining that she thinks she's a cat.

She says,"I meow, purr, and try to sharpen my claws on the furniture. You've got to help me!"

He asks her, "How long has this been going on?"

She replies, "Since I was a kitten."

Counseling Humor

An ill-advised therapist told Jimmy that the way for him to
achieve true inner peace is to start finishing whatever he
started.

Jimmy began following the advice immediately after leaving
the therapist's office by quickly finishing 2 bags of chips
and a chocolate cake. The effect was rapid, and he began
feeling better almost immediately.

Dog Humor

Patient: "I have this terrible problem, Doctor. I think I'm a dog. I walk around on all fours, I keep barking in the middle of the night, and I eat dog food."

Psychiatrist: "Very interesting. Lie down on the couch, please."

Patient: "I'm not allowed on the couch."

Psychology Humor

A man had his first appointment with a psychiatrist and when asked why he was there, the man said, "Doctor, I'm tired of being on the outside looking in."

"Well," responded the doctor, "sounds like we have to try to improve your self-image. Let's get a few basic facts first. What do you do for a living?"

The patient replied, "I'm a window washer."

Psychology Humor

"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when a college boy delivered his pizza.

"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great."

"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars."

"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund."

"By the way, what are you studying?"

"Applied psychology."

Moth Humor

Late one night, a man walks into a dentist's office.

Man: "Excuse me, can you help me? I keep thinking I'm a moth!"

Dentist: "You don't need a dentist. You need a psychiatrist."

Man: "Yes, I know."

Dentist: "So why did you come in here?"

Man: "Well...the light was on..."