Monday, March 29, 2010

Hearing Humor

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her about it, he called the family doctor to discuss the problem. The doctor told him there was a simple, informal test he could perform to give the doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.

"Here's what you do," said the doctor, "Stand about 40 feet away from her and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and so on until you get a response."

That evening his wife was in the kitchen cooking dinner and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" No response.

So he moves closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response.

So, he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again, no response.

So he walks right up behind her.

"Honey, what's for dinner?"


Monday, March 22, 2010

Jury Humor

A defendant was asked if he wanted a bench trial or a jury trial.

"Jury trial," the defendant replied.

"Do you understand the difference?" asked the judge.

"Sure," replied the defendant. "That's where twelve ignorant people decide my fate instead of one."

Sunday, March 14, 2010

Mississippi Humor

A young man from Mississippi came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!"

Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was?"

The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number."

Monday, March 8, 2010

Obituary Humor

Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend, Finney.

"Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher. "They say I died!!"

"Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from?"

Friday, March 5, 2010

Retirement Home Humor

During a visit to the retirement home, a man asked the director, "How do you determine whether or not a person should be institutionalized?"

"Well," said the Director, "We fill up a bathtub, and then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."

"Oh, I understand," he said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."

"No," said the Director. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"

Monday, March 1, 2010

Aggie Humor

This guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. As the bartender serves the drink, the guy asks, "Hey, I heard a good Aggie joke the other day. Do you want to hear it?"

The bartender says, "Well before you tell it, I should warn you that I'm an Aggie. See those two guys at the end of the bar? They're Aggies. And see those guys over at that table. They're Aggies too. Are you sure you want to tell that joke?"

The guy replies, "Heck no! I don't want to explain it five times..."