Monday, December 31, 2012
In a restroom at the Houston Medical Center, a floor supervisor had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it: "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the restroom, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read: "THOAP!"
Friday, December 14, 2012
As a mother said goodbye to her son who was returning to school after spring vacation, she reminded him to write often. Another woman standing nearby heard the plea and gave this advice: "The surest way to get your son to write home is to send him a letter saying, 'Here's 50 dollars. Spend it any way you like.'" "And that will make my son write home?" "Yes, indeed! You simply forget to enclose the money."
Monday, December 10, 2012
Christmas Carols and Songs Final Exam The following words are alternate titles for several well-known Christmas Carols. If you get 100% correct, you will be assured a full Christmas stocking! Have fun!! Quadruped with crimson proboscis_______________ 5 p.m. to 6 a.m. without noise___________________ Miniscule hamlet in the far east __________________ Ancient benevolent despot ______________________ Adorn the vestibule ___________________________ Exuberance directed to the planet ________________ Listen, aerial spirits harmonizin _________________ Monarchial trio _______________________________ Yonder in the haystack _________________________ Assemble, everyone who believes _________________ Hallowed post meridian _________________________ Fantasies of a colorless December 25th _____________ Tin tintinnabulums ____________________________ A dozen 24-hour yule periods ____________________ Befell during the transparent bewitching hour ______ Homo sapien of crystallized vapor ________________ I merely desire a pair of incisors __________________ I spied my maternal parent osculating a fat man in red__ Perambulating through a December solstice fantasy ____ Aloft on the acme of the abode _____________________ Results: 15 – 20 Correct — You don’t need any Yuletide spirit! 10 – 14 Correct — You could use something in your stocking! 5 – 9 Correct — Are you sure you have the right holiday? 1 – 4 Correct — Surely you jest!?! (From Humor Matters - http://www.humormatters.com/holidays/Christmas/xmassongs.htm )
Friday, December 7, 2012
~ Take everything out of your house as if it's just been robbed. When Santa arrives, show up dressed like a policeman and say, "Well, well. They always return to the scene of the crime." ~ Leave out a copy of your Christmas list with last-minute changes and corrections. ~ Leave Santa a note explaining that you've moved. Include a map with unclear and hard-to-read directions to your new house. ~ Leave out a Santa suit, with a dry-cleaning bill. ~ Paint "hoof-prints" all over your face and clothes. While he's in the house, go out on the roof. When he comes back up, act like you've been "trampled." Threaten to sue.
Monday, December 3, 2012
Dotty came into the office all aflutter about her husband, "You won't believe this, Steve, but Jimmy takes a fishing pole into the bathroom and tosses the hook into the tub." "You've got to be kidding," gasped Terry. "Don't you think you should take him to a psychiatrist?" "No time," replied Dotty with a shrug. "I'm too busy cleaning fish."